On Being Aware, or NOT!

Sometimes I wish this site let you contribute anonymously so I could share and hide out at the same time. But, I am not going to let it stop me from disclosing my humanness in the hopes that something I share will be useful to others. It’s only friends that read this site, right? (If you didn’t think the designation “friend” referred to you, well if you read this you can consider that it does.)

Well, I have recently had a lesson (or two or three) on the importance of being present. In the last year I have received no less than 3 traffic ticket – all moving violations. Well as you can imagine I am not at all happy about this my feelings have ranged from anger at myself to shame, embarrassment and even depression. The first one, no big deal; traffic school was no fun but doable. The second, I began to think the universe was trying to teach me something. Be more careful. A little too trite to be very impactful I can see in hind site. The third, after going through the series of emotions described above and not letting myself dwell on any too long. I realized that I have to take a good hard look at exactly what the lesson in this is. Could it be I should stop driving? Maybe I am just incompetent and should be pulled off the road. What if I had had an accident? Even though the myriad of emotions going through my mind/body seemed to suggest that this was reasonable, I decided that logically it is a bit extreme and, anyway, it would wreck my life more than the increase in insurance that is sure to happen already at this point. Rather than focusing on how much all of these mistakes were going to damage my life I decided to really find the lesson. And learn it.

So what is common among these different episodes? In none of the cases was I intentionally breaking the law and going against the rules. I began to realize that even though I have been practicing “mindfulness” in many areas of my life I am still the master multi-tasker and had brought this much too much to my driving. What have I been doing the last year? Well, I have been using the time in the car to learn more, listening to books and lectures while I drive. In each case there was something that I was interested in hearing. All three tickets could have been avoided if I had been more aware of my surroundings and focused more completely on my driving. Now it wasn’t as if I was completely distracted in any of the cases, I was aware of the other cars around me, of the road conditions, and in general, what I needed to be aware of to be safe. However, in each case, I missed something important, something that would have clued me in and changed what I was doing. So now I know, that the lesson is one of being aware, bringing complete awareness to the moment of driving.

I started practicing a type of awareness called mindfulness a few years ago. I first practice in meditation and then began to slowly bring it into my life so that I could be fully present to my surroundings and life experience in the moment. So much I have gained in this practice. When you are present the moments of right NOW, you because present to really living. This practice has really been and continues to be a learning experience. When I first began the practice, I realized that I had spent much, no most, of my life just doing, reacting, thinking of other things; and, in general, not really being there in the moment. It used to be when someone was talking, I would be trying to think of what I was going to say next. When I was doing one thing, I was often thinking about how I should be doing something else. I would find myself worrying about what happened yesterday or what I was going to do tomorrow. Now, there are times and places (many through out a day now and especially when I am working) in which I can really be fully there, totally present and focused. It brings and peace of mind, a gratefulness to my experience. In the moments that it happens it can be pure joy. But, even though I bring this mindfulness practice into my life every day, it clearly isn’t all of the time. And it clearly isn’t enough because it has been pretty much absent from my driving. It is time to change that.

For me this is not a simple task and I might suggest that it is not for many. I have gotten in the habit of using driving time to think as well as learn. At any given moment my mind could be a hundred miles away thinking about some “mind/body” problem (it is the absent minded scientist that hasn’t gone away no matter how long I have been gone from the research arena.) I get very little time alone to think except when I am driving. My mindfulness practice which really has made extra-ordinary improvements in many areas of my life would have to be bumped up a level.

As I wonder what that might look like or how I might do it, I am reminded of a client that I recently had who is a black-belt in martial arts. He described a state of being in which he becomes so aware of his environment that he is able to anticipate and react to a blow coming from behind before he is able to consciously hear or feel any movement. I am not sure that I have ever had this intense experience of awareness, if so it has been rare. However, I believe that this maybe a description of what I want to cultivate for my driving and wonder if it might be beneficial in other areas of my life as well.

Epologue:
Today I had another lesson in being present and the dysfunction of multitasking. Multi-tasking is such a habit and way of life for me I don't even realize when I am doing it half of the time.
This morning when I was getting my girls ready for school I noticed my orchids and decided that they needed water. I have two orchids, one that I have had for probably 8 years has never bloomed for me since the blossoms it had when I bought it dropped. I don't take particularly good or bad care of it, watering it occasionally. Last week it started to send out a shoot which I have been watching as several buds have appeared and started to fill. So, I was at the kitchen sink watering them, barking orders to my children to put on their shoes, brush their hair and put away their homework when one of my children asked me a question about her homework. I turned around to look with one pot in my hand and knocked the sweet little fragile shoot with the beautiful budding blossoms clean of the plant. This brought me fully into the present moment and (to my credit which I don't usually deserve) I was able to remain present observing what happened and remain calm, noticing my sadness and taking in my lesson. I realized that had I been doing one thing at a time, focusing on my children for example and there needs rather than trying to multi-task then I wouldn't have broken my beloved orchid and treated my beloved children with more respect. I could have watered the orchid another time. Although I love my orchid my children are more important and at that moment that is where my attention should have been.
Now the question is, how am I going to be present and get through my huge task list without multi-tasking or dropping the balls? I don't have a answer. Let me know if you come up with one.
Ester Hicks from the teachings of Abraham says that the trick is to do what you can and give the rest to God, trust that she will take care of it so you can let it go. I only hope God knows how to multi-task.